Chapter 4:

There is No Choice

The day immediately following the fire, Kelly appeared at Marvelous Mansion with a bag full of comedies and several cartons of premium ice cream. It was a bold move, as she’d never been to the mansion and had only seen Nathan once since high school—at the bloody reunion—but her world was shaken, her flight was still two days away, and Marvelous seemed the perfect person to share her newfound grief and anxiety.

Kelly pushed her rental car through the throng of protesters at the mansion gates and wondered what PLES stood for. She expected trouble; taunts and accusations as she crawled her way to the gates, but strangely, the protesters seemed all too happy to let her by, waving and smiling as she approached the key box. She turned her attention from the protesters, figuring nothing would happen, when suddenly an egg smacked against the windshield. The protesters erupted in shouting and bustling, and she feared impending vandalism and possible violence—but she was not the target of the protesters. No. Instead, they targeted the man who had launched the egg, haranguing him with insults, pushing him out. The way forward cleared before her as the protesters were no longer even interested in Marvelous’ rare visitor. They had new quarry as the egg-thrower ran down the street, chased by a frenzied mob.

Kelly buzzed Nathan and waited for a response. Then, after a long minute, she noted the protesters were returning, and buzzed again. She sat there for some time, waiting and buzzing and hoping the protesters would just leave her be as they gawked at her car. Finally, Nathan answered. He glared at her, looking haggard and distraught, but the irritation evaporated, to be replaced by simple grief as he recognized her.

“Hi Kelly,” he said, his voice lifeless. He buzzed her in and disappeared from the screen.

Kelly maneuvered up the drive, able to forget the crowd at the gate, but not the discomfort they’d caused her, as it was difficult to see through the smudge of egg.

Kelly was not the type to feel bad about things, but the reunion fire would not lose its grip. She felt awful. No other way to say it: just awful. So many close associations, so many people she’d known her whole life were injured and scarred—or worse. Several were dead, including one of her best friends.

But that’s not the way people should feel, is it? Shouldn’t people be happy? Shouldn’t people always be happy? This anguish, this turmoil, it wasn’t who she was, it wasn’t her style.

Kelly stepped from the car into the harsh sunlight, staring up at a four-story mansion of traditional tastes, a wing to each side. The mansion seemed something out of an English movie, the kind in which the house serves as the setting for the murder of a prominent man, in which a dozen guests and two dozen servants all have motive and opportunity. In the end, it’s always the butler.

She approached the door and a wave of revulsion hit her. What was she doing? She’d seen Nathan once in years. She thought to leave, just turn around and leave.

But where would she go?

As she stood contemplating her next move, the doors swung open to reveal Nathan. He looked at her, attempted a smile, turned, and walked back inside. He was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, which relieved Kelly. She wore sweats, white stripes over baby blue; a far cry from the simple black dress of the night before—except that she still looked amazing. On other days, to look good in her workout gear was the entire point. Today it was easy to put on. Looking good was not only beside the point, but was quite off topic, even offensive to her state of mind. She had not thought of it. She was certainly not trying.

Not that it mattered to Nathan. He muttered something under his breath, walked back under the stairs, and disappeared. Kelly was forced to set aside her load, in order to close the heavy front doors. She stepped into the grand entrance and gazed about uneasily, noticing the rich, intricate decoration.

My god, does the ceiling go up all four stories? She wondered. It did. Each new floor was set back further in the foyer, so that each floor offered a vantage over the others. The fourth floor extended out on both sides, wrapping along the walls. Iron sculpture hung from under the fourth floor, draping the length of the third and second floors in long, iron falls. Creatures of fantasy hung in the metal; half men, half beast, decorated with gems and precious metals. They were creatures, men, gods out of antiquity, myth, and legend. Was that Iron Mike Tyson at the top?!

...fending off a dragon as he was about to deliver a mighty blow...

Kelly turned back and forth, from one side to the other, admiring these creatures. They flanked anyone who entered, causing wonder and awe. With jaw dropped, any visitor would forget everything and simply try to take it all in. It was a shameless brag, and yet, the brag was warranted. This room was nothing less than astounding.

Kelly walked back around the stairs, trying to pry her attention from the vast sculpture. From this stairway, voices carried. A couple argued about infidelity and Kelly realized Nathan had other visitors, closer friends or relatives staying with him, keeping him company after the catastrophe. This was a mistake, she realized. She didn’t want to share her grief with strangers.

Yet, where else could she go? Her parents moved to Montana after she graduated. She had no one in this town that wasn’t ruined by the fire, and she simply couldn’t spend any more time at the hospital, so she continued under the stairs as she let the argument guide her.

She found herself in a downstairs den connected to a small kitchen, anxious to say hello, and likely beg off and leave. Marvelous lay on the couch, attempting to die of atrophy. He lay facing inward, unable to see anything but leather, hearing nothing despite the screams of the television. She was happy to see he was the only one in the room as The Fit and the Dramatic played on the screen—or perhaps it was Passions and Tempers? Kelly was no good at identifying daytime soaps.

The show played at potentially harmful volume, roaring in her left ear. She could just make it out with her right, if barely so. Indeed, it was the first thing she’d heard in her right ear since the explosion.

Kelly put away all but one of the ice creams, leaving out the mocha almond fudge. She stepped to the television and turned the volume down.

“Do you have a DVD player?”

Marvelous responded, but the couch muffled whatever he said.

“Again, please,” she said.

“It’s in the theater,” Marvelous shouted at the back of the couch.

“And where is that?”

Marvelous pointed back over his shoulder, his arm flopping about. He pulled his arm back, tucking it into his stomach. She realized she’d have to force him to help.

“Then off to the theater we go,” she said, and pulled him bodily off the couch. She pulled him, the movies, and the mocha almond fudge to the theater. Half a dozen plush love seats, loafers, couches, a giant bean bag, and of course, an over-sized screen occupied the theater. This room was filled to capacity only when Nathan offered it to the workers that were still building the west wing of his mansion. Nathan never joined them for what were easily the best times the theater had ever seen.

“That sculpture in the entry is amazing. I’ve never seen anything like that…” Kelly stated as she loaded Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail into the DVD player.

“My mother knew the sculptor, and the subject was her idea. I only paid for it,” Nathan admitted.

“What is the subject?”

“The Odyssey? The Sumerian Zodiac? All of it?” Nathan shrugged. “I dunno. Something old.”

“Where is your mother?” Kelly asked. She didn’t know her well, only seen her a few times in high school, often thinking Anna Marvelous was quite pretty, if a bit short.

“Korea,” Nathan glared.

Kelly cracked open the pint of ice cream. She didn’t bother with a bowl as she proceeded to scoop very soft spoonfuls of mocha almond fudge into her mouth.

The movie started. Nathan didn’t even feign interest, his face turned into the couch once more. The movie progressed as Kelly went after her ice cream.

“Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”

The two of them continued on this way for some time. Marvelous ignoring everything as Kelly watched her movie and ate her ice cream, not satisfied by either. She carved neat little spoonfuls and glanced at Nathan. The movie made it as far as peasants harvesting filth before Kelly could no longer stand another spoon of mocha, almond, or fudge. She pulled herself out of her chair, sidled over to the couch, and slumped on top of Nathan. She sprawled over him, her stomach on his back, her head resting in the crook of his neck. She wondered how he’d react, but felt it was well worth the risk. She was feeling vulnerable and she needed more than just proximity at the moment. She needed contact, human contact.

Although Nathan was initially shocked and outraged at Kelly's audacity, he was also comforted by her warmth and weight. He offered no consent, but he did not turn her away, or try to push her off either. Instead, he dozed.

Nathan woke to Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels dressed in tuxedos of baby blue and orange. Jim Carrey screamed bloody murder after getting hit in the back with a cane.

Nathan could feel Kelly on top of him, her body pressed into his. He could identify specific points of contact: her cheek and chin on his neck and upper back, her arms tucked against his, her breasts against his lower ribs, her hips against his buttocks. Their thighs and calves were mingled. He was stiff from inactivity and from Kelly’s pressure. He pushed up against Kelly and realized she was asleep.

She stirred with his movement, glanced about, as she remembered her surroundings, then wordlessly pulled herself off of Nathan.

Nathan stepped from the couch, stood, and stretched.

Better, he thought as he stretched out the kinks. There was no remaining stiffness—aside from aching thoughts of Michelle. He walked out of the room, not saying anything, not even looking back.

“Where are you going?” Kelly asked, just interested enough to ask, but Nathan didn’t answer. Kelly slipped back on to the couch and promptly fell asleep. No matter that Marvelous was leaving. The couch was warm. She was perfectly content to drift into oblivion without him.

An hour later, Marvelous returned with a to-go bag from Villacasia’s, the reek of hot Italian food invading the theater. He set the food on an end table, leaned over Michelle and kissed her on the cheek. She didn’t budge.

Funny, she was always such a light sleeper…

He returned to the entrance, turned on the light and stepped back over to Michelle. She was shorter than she should be, fuller…

Not Michelle, he realized, his heart sinking. Not Michelle, but Kelly.

He poked her shoulder with one finger, unsure what else to do. He poked her again when she didn’t wake up. He grabbed her shoulder and shook her a bit, which finally did the trick.

Kelly forced herself to stay awake, to stay upright, fending off her grogginess. Nathan waited, leaving the to-go bag until his guest was ready. Instead, he flipped off the movie and started scanning through television channels. He never paused for more than a few seconds before switching feeds.

“What is that?’ Kelly asked, catching the smell of the food.

“The best lasagna you’ve ever had,” Nathan answered.

Kelly was ravenous, and ate appropriately. Nathan managed to finish nearly half his dish before he stopped bothering. The lasagna wasn’t nearly as good as he remembered.

Nathan crawled onto a different couch and stared at the screen, then turned away, once more uninterested. Time to die, he thought, though he knew he wouldn’t.

Finishing her food, Kelly sat where she was. For a while, she sat away from Nathan, but eventually, she couldn’t stand to be by herself. She walked over to Nathan and crawled back on top of him. Neither spoke: Marvelous, because he didn’t want to cheapen Michelle with mere words, and Kelly because she couldn’t think of anything to say. Her pain and shock at the tragedy mixed with the uneasy excitement of being with Nathan. Once, he’d spurned her out of love, but now she was the only thing he had.

Zoolander began and Kelly sprawled over Nathan yet again, as a carton of chocolate chocolate chip melted on the end table.

“Nathan,” Kelly whispered. “Nathan.”

“What?” He replied, not moving.

“Nathan,” She said again, feeling the taste of his name on her tongue.

“What?” He asked again, this time turning his head, so he could just see her out of the corner of his eye.

Kelly shifted so she could see his face, so she could study his features. For several seconds, they stared at each other. She caressed his cheek, then leaned forward and ever so slowly pushed her lips against his. It was as if she was kissing a statue. He did nothing. He didn’t push her away, or pull her in. He simply stared at her.

And then his eyes closed, and suddenly he was kissing her back. The gates of pent up frustration, restlessness, grief, and fear flung wide. Cotton pulled, strained and was quickly removed. The leather of the couch grew uncomfortably hot until Kelly rolled Nathan to the floor in a heap of groping hands and legs.

Afterwards, the two slept in the dark room, lying in front of the same couch, still enmeshed in each other, like puppies. The screen lit the room in fits, jumping with the light of the images. The movie ended, played through the credits, and finally reset to the title menu, which repeated ad nauseam. Sweat made a sticky bond of their skin. Kelly woke, groggy, naked, and uncertain. “Obey my dog!” the screen yelled at her.

She could barely hear as her left ear—her good ear—was glued to Nathan’s chest. Her mouth was sticky and uncomfortable, the smell of sex and the spicy reek of unwashed skin invaded her nostrils. She needed water and a good brushing. When was the last time she exercised? She peeled her sticky skin from Marvelous, intent on breakfast and a shower. She stopped short when she heard a noise outside the theater. Someone was coming down the hallway.

Kelly cowered down behind the couch, feeling exposed. She was still naked and there were no blankets about. She pulled on her skivvies and grabbed for her shirt. The heavy curtain to the hallway flung open, ushering blinding light into the dark room. Kelly shrank back, unable to look into the light. She knelt behind the couch, hoping to remain unseen.

“What a reeking mess,” The figure disapproved.

Kelly stared, shocked to think it was Michelle.

“Nathaniel? Are you in here?” The lights in the theater clicked on, far brighter than the light from the hall. Nathan moved underneath Kelly, who now had her clothes pressed against her intimate bits and her eyes shut against the blinding light.

Nathan pulled himself up on the couch and turned to face the dark silhouette in the doorway. Kelly slipped to the floor, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. She peered over the couch, shocked that Michelle should be standing there.

Oh Michelle! I’m so sorry! Kelly wanted to shout, but shock and terror completely immobilized her. Once again, she had betrayed her good friend—only this time, the betrayal had worked. Only this time, the betrayal was known.

“Nathaniel… Who is this?” Michelle asked, sounding perplexed.

“Hi, Mom,” Nathan replied, and wiped the sleep from his eyes. “We’re not decent.”

“Put some clothes on and get yourself out of this hole,” his mother sighed, “That goes for you too, missy.”

His mom? This was his mom?! Kelly blinked at her, still unable to see much more than an outline against the harsh light.

The curtain closed as Nathan’s mother stepped out of the theater and down the hallway. Nathan pulled his clothes off the floor and slowly dressed. He looked at Kelly as if to say sorry.

Sorry for what? She wanted to ask. She was an adult. She could make her own choices, and suffer her own consequences, thank-you-very-much! She shot back a look as if to say she was not sorry, not sorry at all! As if to say she was glad, glad that they had spent so much time alone in the theater with nothing but ice cream, sweat, and distraction! Michelle wasn’t here and she was never coming back!

How long had she been here? How long had the distraction lasted? She had no idea. She suspected she’d missed her flight home, but that barely mattered. She would call work and explain the circumstances. Undoubtedly, they’d heard of the fire. Undoubtedly, they’d forgive her. The national media would be all over such a catastrophe, especially with a celebrity tie-in.

Marvelous left the room and Kelly could hear Anna Marvelous confront her son in the hallway.

“What are you thinking?”

“I miss her, mom.”

“Of course you do! But why exactly do you have to hole up in your theater with…”

Perhaps she found it prudent not to say what she thought of Kelly. Perhaps she whispered the word. Perhaps she added nothing, knowing nothing of Kelly at all. However it occurred, Kelly was happy not to hear whichever specific insult Anna had in mind.

Anna didn’t actually finish the comment, as Nathan was crying. She simply held him as his silent sobbing ran its course.

“Well, you smell something miserable. Take a shower and come down for breakfast,” Anna ordered.

The curtain to the theater pushed open.

“Oh good, you’re dressed,” Anna noted. She beckoned Kelly, “Let’s get you a shower, and see if we can’t find something clean to wear.”

Anna turned and walked down the hall. Kelly followed her to a suite of rooms.

“Here you go,” Anna said. “There’s bound to be something that fits you—and when you’re done, come down and have a proper breakfast,” she finished with eyes of flint.

Kelly glanced about the room, realized it was full of Michelle’s stuff, and did something she hadn't done since Nathan turned her down years ago; she blushed.

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